A Patchwork Quilt of Community

Inclusive Cultures Pull for Better

My mother is a force to be reckoned with.

She is the youngest daughter of 7 children with the only boy being her twin. My only uncle (that is a genetic relative) on my mother’s side was born last to my grandmother's relief after initially crying (tears of joy, of course) when my mother entered the world first.

My grandmother and grandfather were 43 and 44 years old, respectively when she and her brother were born in Kansas City, Kansas (USA) in the early 1940s. Older parents by today’s standards, and likely considered much older then.

As a child, Harriett (her first name by which as I have called my her since about age 15) survived a bout with the measles, partially lost her eyesight, and almost didn’t make it out of childhood. From there, she did nothing but thrive — in school and life. She left for college at age 17, earned a Master’s degree as a speech pathologist and later when I was nine years old and my brother 15, completed her Ph.D.

Dr. Johnson never took a pause as a wife, mother, speech pathologist, high school administrator, church deaconess, active member of Alpha Kappa Alpha, Inc. sorority, pro-active Republican political citizen; and now, for about five years since my father’s illness and subsequent death, the President of our family funeral home business. And, she didn’t pause to reflect on how she could support other women. She just supports them as if it was the most natural thing one could do.

There hasn’t been a time in my life when I didn’t see my mother, her mother, her sisters and sister-in-law, her friends, my female cousins, and countless women in my community as leaders and respected by most as such.

My inception into this type of matriarchal culture is not altogether unique. I can reach out to many people in my network and ask them to talk to me about being raised and/or heavily influenced by women leaders and the impact it’s had on them. They would say that it’s normative and supporting others is what they naturally do because of those role models.

My heroes’ (including my mother) predominant narrative is unlikely to be that women are victims of an oppressive, hegemonic environment or that they are “fighting” (against the system or against the oppression inherent in such a male-dominated society) for their rights. In fact, many of them would wonder contextually what the fuss of such a combative and apparently less than productive (mainly) discourse is all about.

Let’s not confuse or misinterpret their wondering about the efficacy of contemporary methods. The women who have raised me, guided and inspired me clearly recognize behaviors that were (and remain) at best less than equal and on the other end of the spectrum, oppressive or abusive. Most of them experienced far greater barriers than my contemporaries in making meaningful contributions to their respective organizations, institutions, and communities.

The difference was that they did not see the (often explicit, like segregated schools or not being able to vote because of poll taxes) barriers as being about their gender or their other identities alone. They saw that the perpetuation of disparate treatment by a few individuals whose paths they crossed was systemic. In fact, they recognized that for many, including many of their close friends, that it was normal — just the way the world worked for them.

They were also clear that the only way to combat it was to act; that is, to reinforce and develop robust layers of community. Layers so strong that the energy of their network of family, friends, and those whose integrity of commitment to what was just and right, and unwavering despite real or perceived personal risk.

They created a patchwork quilt of community that was inclusive of all who took a stance and reinforced the seams of this blanket with love; independent of the color of the binding threads. Each seam acting like an adhesive that stuck to whoever had the courage to offer their patch to the greater creative aspiration.

Friday, 8 March 2019 was International Women’s Day (#iwd2019). This annual event has been in existence for over 100 years. In 2018 the theme was #pushforprogress. This year, #BalanceforBetter.

I support the celebrations of people/communities who have been under-celebrated. I know that #BlackHistory=#WorldHistory. Thus, I know to better than to support #BlackHistory just during the month of February each year. To celebrate the during a discrete period is a bit like only worshiping during a religious holiday or holy months like Easter or Ramadan. Celebrations are reminders of where we are and where we must go, and hopefully why.

More recently, these celebrations have become commercialized opportunities for the bolstering organizational reputation as to what they have done and the proverbial “work to be done”. Yet, 106 years is a long time and the outcomes have been less than stellar — something that we can (or should) all agree with. After a religious celebration or New Year’s, we vow to be and do better. This year per the annual theme, we commit to #BalanceforBetter.

I am not so sure “balancing” is possible. It’s like work-life balance — a myth in that it purports that we will get there and that everyone’s “there” is equivalent. It is a moving, unattainable target, at best loosely defined. What is balance anyway? Is it 60/40, 50/50, 40/60, m:f, f:m; tldr!?!

With this, I would like to suggest that rather than “balancing for better” that we need get better so that we can create the kind of equity or resonance we as individuals and organizations enthusiastically claim we want. As well, I offer that progress is more of a pull than a push.

Being better is about creating a systemic approach to inclusion. One that goes beyond a discrete initiative here and there masked as a strategy. It is about transcending the limited focus on single identities for one that considers levers that enable the establishment of a way of operating that creates possibilities for sustainable inclusion; robust, might I say, organic representation of all the multi-dimensional talents primed to help lead organizations into the future.

Pushing (or per last year’s #IWD2018 theme #PushforProgress) has and will only face increasing resistance — often Sisyphusian in nature.

Conversely, I feel that we must pull together. A pull rather than a push is offering a hand to and with one another (organizationally, institutionally, collaboratively, generously) in our efforts. It is lifting up the so-called “other” and being willing to be influenced by them.

Some have framed this as Allyship — everyone has the capacity to be an Ally. Allies are bridges, they recognize the tensions of distinctions, the blind spots of difference and similarity. They start with willingness and with spending time, exposure to the so-called “other”, and intentional skills building. They learn to navigate the complexity of their worlds more effectively. They become adept at, as the late Dr. Roosevelt Thomas wrote, “managing the tensions and complexities of difference and similarity.” This ability serves them and those they interact within all facets of their lives.

Raising the bar of progress is more of a nudge in the right direction not shoving the “other” into a corner (or something down their throats) that inevitably leads to defensiveness, resentment, and further anchoring on the status quo. If the “other” happens to be part of a predominant group or has positional authority, the more powerfully this status quo adherence will manifest itself.

I propose that what’s required is a trust, like that between a novice skydiver and guide in a tandem jump. They jump into the free fall, the skydiver tucks and rolls with the guide, the guide pulls the cord, and both safely glide to the ground 13,000 ft (~4000m) later. There are interdependent risks and rewards. Making it to the ground and then home safely is the immutable, implicit and explicit objective. An interdependent risk is not optional. In my opinion, there is no “progress” or “better” without it.

Alternatively, my great, great-grandchildren will be talking about the same cyclical dynamics in 2125 that we are focused on today. I am committed to a different experience for their generation and I think most people in the world are, too.

Perhaps we are a little better than we were last year in our organizations and institutions. And perhaps (as my friend/mentor Howard Ross has often quipped) we have been “putting the emphasis on the wrong ‘syl-lab-bles’”.

The time for better is now and tomorrow and the next day. And the pull for better — is together.